Gold Star event helps military families cope with death
Posted On: Sunday, Jul. 25 2010 11:08 PM
By Amanda Kim Stairrett
Killeen Daily HeraldFORT HOOD — Hundreds of Gold Star families gathered at Fort Hood late last week to attend a Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors' grief seminar.
The event, which started Thursday and ended Saturday, was a gathering place for those who have lost service members and offered peer support and coping skills for adults and children. Gold Star children sent letters to their loved ones Saturday with a balloon release at Duncan Elementary School.
"Coping with the death in wartime of a military spouse, parent, child or sibling can be a lonesome and difficult journey," read information provided by Fort Hood. "But the survivors of our fallen heroes don't have to walk alone — there's a community of surviving families to offer comfort and support."
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors is a national organization that provides care for Gold Star families and has supported more than 30,000 since 1994, according to information from Fort Hood. TAPS provides peer-based emotional support, grief and trauma resources, seminars, casework assistance, and 24/7 crisis intervention care for all who have been affected by a death in the Armed Forces.
Services, which include support, grief and trauma resources, seminars, casework assistance and around-the-clock crisis intervention, are provided free to Gold Star families.
Source of supportTAPS has been a great source of support for Leila Hunt-Willingham since her younger brother's death on Nov. 5, 2009, and she attended the event, her first seminar, to meet other Gold Star siblings, she said.
Spc. Jason Dean "J.D." Hunt was one of 13 killed when a gunman opened fire at Fort Hood's Soldier Readiness Processing Center. The 22-year-old was assigned to the 1st Cavalry Division's 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team.
"Siblings are often overlooked when it comes to grieving," Hunt-Willingham said. "People always ask about the spouse or the parents, but sometimes don't realize that a sibling's grief is very much like that of a parent's."
TAPS recognizes that, she went on to say, and really understands a sibling's grief.
Thought it may sound cliché, TAPS helps individuals discover they are truly not alone, Hunt-Willingham said.
"You don't feel crazy any more because you hear a Gold Star sibling say they do and feel the exact same thing you have done that people think you are crazy for," she added.
The Fort Hood event was helpful for Hunt-Willingham because she got to be around other families who encountered loss. She met and established relationships with other siblings and families who also lost soldiers on Nov. 5.
"Gold Star families find the most healing just by talking to others who have lost someone the same day or the same way," Hunt-Willingham said. "The world moves on quickly when you lose a loved one. You don't. It's nice to know that you don't have to when you get to know the ones who are going through the same journey."
A mother's wordsDeborah Tainsh started that journey in 2004 when her son, Sgt. Patrick Tainsh, was killed in Iraq after a homemade bomb explosion. The 33-year-old cavalry scout was serving with the 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment, based out of Fort Polk, La.
Tainsh has written several books about her experiences in an effort to highlight the courage and faith of those killed and the loved ones they left behind. The latest book is "Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents Of War Share Stories Of Coping, Courage and Faith." It contains the story of Cpl. Russell Culbertson III, who was killed in a bomb attack in October 2006 while serving with the 4th Infantry Division's 1st Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment.
"Surviving the Folded Flag" encourages families to enact TAPS' motto: Remember the love, celebrate the life and share the journey, Tainsh said.
Tainsh and her husband learned about TAPS a year after Patrick's death. She has since became a grief peer mentor to other Gold Star parents and came to Fort Hood last week to meet with them and facilitated a grief workshop on Saturday.
Tainsh and two other Gold Star mothers visited Warrior Transition Brigade soldiers Friday and spoke with them about what they have in common following the death of a loved one in battle.
"They lost a buddy and comrade, we lost a child," she said. "And our journey is similar in that we are all suffering the invisible wounds of grief that results in survivors' guilt for them and Gold Star parents."
Tainsh's next book, "Dear Warrior and Hero," is meant to encourage wounded warriors and returning veterans to know how much Gold Star parents "want them to find a positive path in their new norm," she said.
Tainsh said that no one is immune to heartbreak, and each person handles grief in his or her own way and time. She encouraged those beginning their journeys to seek a support group where they can "validate emotions and know they are not alone with the horrendous pain and roller coaster rides to get through to the other side."
There is never a timeline on grieving, she went on to say, and loved ones should do whatever feels best to help them deal, whether it's creating a legacy to the fallen or visiting resting places.
"Learn that we are all struggling to accept our 'new norm' with help and leaning on others who truly understand and having an organization like TAPS," Tainsh said. "Know that the heart will not always feel like an anchor is laying on top of it."
Contact Amanda Kim Stairrett at
astair@kdhnews.com or (254) 501-7547. Follow her on Twitter at KDHmilitary.
More information Learn more information about Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors by visiting
www.taps.org.
Read about Leila Hunt-Willingham's and her family's experiences since her brother's death on Nov. 5, 2009, by going to http://writingforj.blogspot.com/.
Deborah Tainsh made an appearance at the Clear Creek Main Exchange on Sunday and is set to visit Fort Hood's Casey Memorial Library at noon today. The library is located at 72nd Street and 761st Tank Battalion Avenue in Building 3202. For more information, call the library at (254) 287-2716.
For more on Tainsh and her writings, go to
www.survivingthefoldedflag.com. Portions of her book sales go to TAPS and wounded warriors.